Parent Discovery Resource Center
What Do I Say When My Child Asks Why Grandma Forgets?
By Homer Hartage
You’re not expecting it. Not in the cereal aisle. Not mid‑carpool. Not while you’re trying to keep the day moving. Then your child drops the question like a headline: “Why does Grandma keep forgetting?”
In a split second, you’re juggling two jobs—parent and translator—trying to turn something tender and complicated into words that feel safe. Because this isn’t really a question about memory. It’s a question about belonging. About whether love changes when remembering does. And the way you answer—calmly, simply, and without making it scary—can set the tone for every conversation that follows.
If you’ve been searching, what do I say when my child asks why Grandma forgets? You’re not alone. Parents and caregivers reach for language that protects a child’s sense of safety and love while still acknowledging the change they’re noticing.
First, take a breath: what children need most is emotional safety
Children can handle hard topics when they are held in warmth. They don’t need the perfect explanation. They need:
Think of this as building a “safe path”, not delivering a one-time speech.
How a story helps — and why it’s not “just a book.”
Children process difficult experiences through story. Stories give children language for feelings, emotional distance, structure, and repeatability. That’s why many families look for a children’s book about memory loss that feels gentle and not overwhelming.
“When children ask hard questions, simple words and gentle stories help them feel safe enough to gently understand.”
In moments like these, children are not just asking about memory. They are quietly asking if love, connection, and belonging are still there. A calm, simple response helps ease fear, even if the answer feels small.
Through repeated conversations and story-based guidance, children begin to make sense of what feels confusing. They return to familiar words and moments, building understanding over time while staying anchored in reassurance, love, and emotional safety.
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Homer L. Hartage
Author, Thought Leader, President & CEO
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1. Start with what children notice (not labels)
Young children rarely begin with medical terms. They begin with observations:
- “Grandpa asked that again.”
- “Grandma forgot my name.”
- “He looked at me like I was a stranger.”
- “She got upset and I didn’t know why.”
So begin there—by naming what they see in simple, non-shaming language:
“You noticed something important. Sometimes Grandpa’s remembering is having a hard time.”
3. Answer the question underneath the question
“Why doesn’t Grandma remember me?” might really mean: Did I stop mattering?
A helpful pattern:
Name the change → Name the feeling → Name the love
“Grandma forgot today. That can feel sad or confusing. But you are still very loved.”
2. Use “truthful small sentences” and repeat them
- “Sometimes remembering is hard right now.”
- “That can feel confusing.”
- “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
- “Love stays, even when remembering changes.”
- “We can still be close in new ways.”
4. What to say when your child asks,
“Why does Grandma forget?”
- “Grandma’s remembering gets mixed up sometimes.”
- “Grandma’s brain is having a harder time remembering right now.”
- “Grandma has good days and hard days with remembering.”
Then always add reassurance:
- “You didn’t cause it.”
- “She still loves you.”
- “You are still important.”
Heart of it — Love Remains Teachable
Children can handle hard topics when they are held in warmth. They don’t need perfect words. They need you to be steady.
And when you show up with calm, simple language—again and again—you give your child more than an explanation. You give them a safe path. A path they can walk with you as memory changes and love remains.
Homer’s Story That Shaped All Other Stories
Years into Homer’s work as a professional guardian, he was assigned to an elderly woman with no close family. On paper, she was just another case number. But as Homer sat with her and listened, he noticed a small cardboard box tucked beneath her bed. Inside were a few photographs, old political flyers, handwritten recipe cards, and notes yellowed with time.
Most surprising, among this cluttered box was a financial record, her deceased husband had left an annuity, enough to care for her for the rest of her life. Alzheimer’s had nearly taken this from her.
That rang out to Homer: “Please don’t let me be forgotten, care for me, remember me. This is the call of so many.”
Testimonials
Engulfed with despair, fear, anxiety, restless nights, and overwhelming sense of helplessness. Those feelings crippled me daily, not knowing what next steps to take, I felt like I was on a deserted island, not wanting to fail my loved one. Thankfully a family member put me in touch with Mr. Homer Hartage. All those negative feelings dissipated after having just one conversation.
Mr. Hartage gave a detailed explanation of my options, which allowed me to make informed decisions about the best options for my family. Again, thank you so much Mr. Hartage for picking up the phone to answer my questions and putting my mind at ease, thank you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge. Finally, thank you, sir, for your kindness. During the most stressful times in my life, you answered my call for help. May God shower you and your family with continuous blessings.
The Feacher/Blackshear Family
Honestly, if you work in healthcare and have a resident who needs a guardian I have the most amazing person, Homer Hartage. Never, EVER have I seen such love and devotion to a client in my life… it takes a lot to impress me because I have such high standards… my mind is blown. Please let him know if you should have a need for a guardian. Your client / resident truly could not be in better hands. He’s simply amazing. So refreshing to see a guardian treat their client like a loved one instead of a pay check or commodity…. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life… and I’ve been doing this a minute.
Robyn Edelstein
Owner Robyn’s Referrals
Homer Hartage is extremely passionate and dedicated to providing a service to others. I have watched Homer in action over the years. He will make sure that every measure has been taking for the safety of providing a quality service to all. His kindness along with his knowledge of delivering the best healthcare services are absolutely outstanding.
Shirley Simmons
CEO Abstract Expressionist Artist
There are not enough great things to say about Homer, feeling safe with him is made so easy. He is extremely culturally sensitive, always on time, and has your best interest at heart. He will work overtime just to make sure you and your family have everything they could ever want. Homer has become a part of my family and I feel so honoured to know him. We are glad he is our guardian.
He communicated well with the family and made sure everyone is up to date and informed. At the end of the day, he always makes the right decisions.
Leila Tiles-Lasanta
Administrative Nurse Manager
Clinical Coordinator Nurse Residency Program
Hudson Regional Hospital Secausus,NJ
Books By Homer
My writings are to ensure that no life is reduced to just paperwork, no story disappears without being told, and no family is left navigating responsibility alone.
My work resonates with caregivers, families, professionals, and anyone who believes that memory, dignity, and responsibility are essential. My book catalog includes trade and children’s books.
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You have the option to purchase the book on the AgedCare Guardian website or any of our trusted partner bookstores. Simply click below on the brand of your choice and order your copy at our partners’ online stores.
Distributed by IngramSpark and Baker & Taylor.
